We are getting our new fur-baby on Monday, March 19th! His name has changed about a bagillion times -lol- but we have finally decided on Caesar! I really hope I can love him as much as my first baby, Sandy, who passed away on January 19....

Look in my album to see the handsome little man!! :~)

We are getting a new puppy in 3 weeks!! His name is *obviously* King Sampson! -lol- I am so excited!!! I just can NOT wait!

I am falling into a dark area of life-and I do not know why, or how to stop it. Walls seem to be crashing down around me, and wounds that I never knew I had are starting to be known. People whom I once upon a time considered dear friends, seem to be creeping up around me...sort of in the backdrop of my world *if that makes sense*- and I would much rather let sleeping dogs lie.

One friend in particullar I havent spoken with in probably 4 years or better, and she all of the sudden shows an interest in being my friend again?...no thank you.

I am the type of person that is loyal and true, and that is the type of people that I try to keep with...and this sort of forgetting that I exist just doesn't cut it with me. I don't know why I feel so betrayed by this, but I almost feel as if they are reminding me of their existance just to point and laugh *not exactly-but for a lack of better phrases*

I feel like screaming-punching something- throwing myself on the floor and kicking and screaming!!! SOMETHING to get my frustration out somehow....but I feel stuck.

I do not like feeling this way. I do not like to feel like I am being forced to dredge up things that I do not want to!

Why can't I just crawl under a rock and be left alone by those who are not, or have not been truely my friends?!!!

I just don't get it...

 

Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.
According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.

While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial -- which probably occurred around 270 A.D -- others claim that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Houses were ritually cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and a type of wheat called spelt throughout their interiors. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.
To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would then sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification.

The boys then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed being touched with the hides because it was believed the strips would make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D. The Roman 'lottery' system for romantic pairing was deemed un-Christian and outlawed. Later, during the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of February -- Valentine's Day -- should be a day for romance. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, is part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England. Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois

In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in America.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages (written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400), and the oldest known Valentine card is on display at the British Museum. The first commercial Valentine's Day greeting cards produced in the U.S. were created in the 1840s by Esther A. Howland. Howland, known as the Mother of the Valentine, made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap".

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It is said that during the days that Valentine was imprisoned, he fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer. His love for her, and his great faith, managed to miraculously heal her from her blindness before his death. Before he was taken to his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "From your Valentine." The phrase has been used on his day ever since.
Although the lottery for women had been banned by the church, the mid-February holiday in commemoration of St. Valentine was still used by Roman men to seek the affection of women. It became a tradition for the men to give the ones they admired handwritten messages of affection, containing Valentine's name.

Cupid, another symbol of the holiday, became associated with it because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards.

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How did flowers and lace join Valentine's Day?
Most of the items linked to Valentine's Day came from old-fashioned customs that used lace handkerchiefs and floral bouquets to pass on non-verbal messages.
When the custom went out of style for everyday use, the original meaning was lost and eventually they became part of the Valentine's Day tradition.
Giving flowers dates back to the 1700s when Charles II of Sweden introduced the Persian custom of "the language of flowers" to Europe. Books about the meanings of particular flowers were published, and entire conversations could be carried out using only a bouquet of flowers.
The rose has become the traditional Valentine's Day flower. As it has always been a popular flower, the meaning of the red rose is still well known as the flower of passion and love. The red rose is also the favorite flower of Venus, the goddess of love, which helped give the rose its symbolic meaning.
Lace
Centuries ago, a woman would drop her handkerchief in front of the man she liked. This was a form of encouragement to him, and if he picked it up for her an introduction could be made. Lace has always been part of women's handkerchiefs, and it has since been linked to romance.
Cupid
He is the winged child whose arrows are shot into the hearts of potential lovers. His victims are supposed to fall deeply in love with someone. In both Greek and Roman mythology Cupid is the son of the goddess of love and is always part of celebration of love and lovers.
The heart
The heart is linked to Valentine's Day because it was once considered the source of all human emotions. The custom of drawing a heart shape is believed to come from early attempts to draw an organ no one had ever seen. The symbol progressed to become known as a sign of love.
Why does an X mean a kiss?
In the Middle Ages, a lot of people couldn't read or write. When they had to sign a document, they would make an X in place of their name. In front of witnesses the signer would kiss the X to show themselves trustworthy. The kiss has since come to be represented by an X.
It's for the birds:
Lovebirds are often part of Valentine's Day. Found in Africa, these brightly colored birds sit very close together with their mates, earning them their name.
Doves are also part of the tradition. They are symbols of love and loyalty because they mate for life. A pair of doves will also share the care of all their babies.
Love knots
A love knot is a symbol of everlasting love, because its winding loops have no beginnings or ends. In times past, they were made of ribbon or drawn on paper to prove ones undying love.
Did you know?
- Valentine's Day and Mother's Day are the biggest holidays for giving flowers.
- One of the earliest Valentine's Day gifts were candies. The most common were chocolates in heart shaped boxes.
- Mostly men buy the millions of boxes of candy and the millions of bouquets of flowers produced for each Valentine's Day.

 

As I live each day, I am thankful for having my family, my husband, and to been lucky enough to have found love. Last night, I went to dinner with some wonderful friends, but for the first time I think, I really felt like I was free. I wasn't under a microscope, and my faults were not being scrutinized. In my world, I have, as of late, felt very mundane, and in a rut.

Being able to spend even just 2 hours without feeling like I had to watch everything that I say or do, to be able to laugh as loud as I want without thinking, or feeling like I am being looked at with judgement, was something that awakened me that I have long forgottent hat I had. A power that lets me feel that I am the driver of my destiny, of my happiness.

Maybe one day, I will be able to finally feel free wnough to venture out into the world, children in hand, and live the way that makes me happy, which is without judgement from those who are supposed to love me unconditionally.

One day perhaps, but today, it is just a dream. :)